


Not As Much

by gmariam19 (gmariam)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Finn, Angry Poe Dameron, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Injured Poe Dameron, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam19
Summary: Finn is furious when Poe returns from a mission injured again. Another fight results in a new understanding of their feelings, and of their future.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 173





	Not As Much

Not as Much

Finn storms into the _Falcon_ and stomps toward the medical bunk where Poe is sitting with Dr. Kalonia. He stops when he sees them and glowers fiercely with his arms crossed tight over his chest. Poe can almost feel the fury pouring from Finn, touched with something else in his eyes…fear, maybe? He gives Finn a challenging look with a cheeky grin, then focuses on Kalonia as she finishes tending to his wound.

"You're lucky it didn't take your arm off," she says, pulling the bacta wrap tight around his upper arm and shoulder—same one as always—and then placing his arm in a sling. Again. Poe cracks a joke about it, but Finn makes a huffing sound behind them, and Kalonia turns, raising an eyebrow.

"General," she says, inclining her head at Finn before turning back to Poe. "That should do it for now, but it will take several days to heal. I want you wrapped in bacta for at least the next twenty-four hours, with plenty of rest and fluids. Here's something for the pain—if you're not used to it by now." She hands him several pills. "See me in about four hours. I'll check the wrap and give you something for sleeping."

"Yes, ma'am," Poe murmurs, popping the pills dry and ignoring Finn's glare. Bad enough that his arm hurts like hell; he can tell Finn is itching to have a go at him despite the pain. They used to comfort each other after an injury; now they yell.

Finn stands still and stony-faced as Kalonia gathers her things and glances between them, the tension thick and obvious. She lays a hand on Finn's arm and leans in close to speak softly, but Poe can still hear her. "He'll be all right," she says. "He doesn't need a dress-down."

"Thank you, doctor," says Finn, his voice flat. She sighs as she turns to leave.

Poe almost wants her to stay so he won't be alone with Finn. They've had this fight already—several times in fact, and Poe can admit that once or twice he was the one in Finn's boots, furious with his friend for getting into trouble and coming back injured. The war is won, but the battles continue, and they both have scars to show for them, even three months later. Poe is growing weary of it all— fighting with the enemy, and fighting with Finn—and wishes it would finally end.

He stands up, already on the defensive. "I'm fine," he says, knowing he can't stop what's coming, but feeling the need to mouth off anyway. "You don't have to yell at me."

"Oh, you sure about that?" Finn demands. "Because Kalonia said you were lucky that thing didn't rip your arm off."

She's right, and he's probably going to have some bad dreams about it for a few weeks; ice monsters aren't part of his usual repertoire of close calls. He's glad she offered him something to sleep. "It didn't," he replies with a shrug.

"But it could have," Finn snaps. "What were you thinking? Going up against a wampa like that?"

"I was thinking it was about to kill C'ai," Poe snaps back, Finn's tone hitting him hard. "It was fucking cold, and we'd already been ambushed by the First Order remnant. I wasn't going to let some damn animal take out one of my team."

"So, you thought it was okay to let it kill you instead?" Finn asks.

Poe waves his hand in the air, dismissing Finn's ridiculous words. "Of course not. It's not like I walked up to it and poked it with a stick! I don't have a death wish."

"Really? Could have fooled me."

"Don't be an ass," Poe snaps. "I was protecting my team."

"You were getting off on the danger!" For a brief second, Finn looks surprised at his words, even regretful, but he shakes his head and keeps glaring.

Now Poe is _mad_. Yes, he likes a good adrenaline rush as much as the next pilot, but not when it involves blood and pain. He sticks his finger in Finn's face. "I don't get off on six inch claws ripping through my skin. I don't get off on being thrown ten feet into a wall of ice. And I sure as hell don't get off on watching my squad get attacked and hoping to stars we all make it out alive!"

"Then stop taking these risks," Finn says, smacking Poe's hand away. "Poe, we need you. Alive and uninjured. You can't keep making these mistakes in the field and coming back injured."

"I didn't make a mistake," Poe insists, setting aside the shame he feels anyway. Yes, he miscalculated and was hurt, but he'd also got C'ai and his team out alive. Mission accomplished. "I was trying to save C'ai, and I did." He narrows his eyes, because now the irony of Finn's words burn. He is angry at Poe for doing exactly what he would have done himself, exactly what he _has_ done. "Like you were trying to save Jannah on Abregado a few weeks ago. I said the same thing when you got back!"

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. About this." He waves his hand at Poe's injury, his arm in a sling. His face crumples the slightest bit. "It's always the same damn arm."

"I'm used to it," Poe tells him. "And there's nothing to talk about. I was on a mission. I was injured. It happens in war."

"The war is fucking over!" Finn shouts, his fury bursting forth once again. "This shouldn't be happening anymore!"

"Well, it is." Poe tries to cross him arms over his chest, but one is in a sling and he can't, so he shrugs, go for casual instead. "At least I wasn't blown out of the sky this time."

Finn's hands fly up in the air, his jaw working furiously before the words make it out, low and angry. "This isn't a joke, Poe."

"Good, because I'm not laughing," Poe snaps back. He runs a hand over his eyes, trying not to sigh as his anger leaves him suddenly exhausted. "I'm tired of this. It happened, and it'll happen again, Finn. Until the war is truly over."

Finn shakes his head. "No, you're done. You're grounded."

He turns to leave, but Poe grabs him and turns him around. "You can't ground me."

"I can and I will," Finn growls. "You're injured and you're reckless, and you're not going back out there. Jess can lead the squadron."

Poe reels as if Finn's slapped him. "You're kriffing nuts," he breathes. "And you can't do that—I'm Co-General, you don't get to order me around."

"I just did," Finn tells him. "You're not risking your life like this anymore, Poe. You need to step back."

"And you need to back off," Poe says, his voice low and threatening. "You don't order me around."

"I will if it saves your sorry ass," Finn replies, equally as dark, and Poe wonders if they will come to blows. He doesn't want to hurt Finn, or be hurt, so instead, he elbows his way past the other man, slamming hard into Finn's shoulder.

"Fuck you," he hisses. "I'm not doing it."

Finn grabs him and pushes him into the nearest wall. "Yes, you are," he hisses back, pressing so close to Poe he can feel the other man's heart racing, his hand shaking. Poe sees something in Finn's eyes that stops him from pushing Finn away. Something clicks, just like that. All their injuries, all their fights, all the worry and fear and anger—he understands, or he thinks he does, and his eyes are drawn to Finn's lips as he tries to process the sudden realization.

Poe takes a deep breath and lets his head fall back against the bulkhead, setting aside his instinct to lash out. When he straightens, he meets Finn's eyes and shakes his head, because doesn't want to fight anymore.

"It's okay," Poe says softly. "I'm here, and I'm all right."

Finn looks down, his own anger dissipating as he shoulders sag. "You are now," he whispers. "One day you might not be." He glances up, his eyes bright. "I can't lose you."

"You won't," Poe tells him. "I'm not trying to get myself killed, I promise. I know you'd never forgive me if I did." He offers a small grin, but Finn looks more upset than Poe has ever seen him as he steps away from their intense closeness and lets his arms fall to his sides, hands fisted tight.

"I mean it," Finn says. "I'm tired of this, of losing people, of almost losing you. It terrifies me, every damn day. Please don't go out there like this."

"You know I can't do that," Poe tells him. "Because you wouldn't either, if I asked the same."

Finn's eyes flash with a quick burst of anger. "Haven't you heard a word I've said? I can't lose you, Poe. I—"

"I know." Poe stops him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder and leaving his hand there, a warm point of contact that grounds him. "And I can't lose you either. I don't know what I'd do without you. But I won't hold you back, because then I know I would lose you for sure."

Finn's head falls again, and when he looks up, his gaze is fierce. "You don't understand," he says. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Yes, you can," Poe tells him, his heart almost skipping a beat as he imagines the many ways Finn might mean such a thing. If he were to leave, Poe doesn't know what he would do. He really can't do this without Finn, can't imagine his life without Finn by his side. "You're not alone, Finn. I'm here, with you. Always."

"Until you're not."

"You can't let the future hold you back from the present," Poe says, thinking it's good advice he should probably follow sometime. Maybe soon. "And I don't want to miss out on now because I'm afraid of what might happen tomorrow."

Finn looks at him, really looks at him. Enough that Poe almost starts to squirm under such intense scrutiny. "Then what…" Finn takes a deep breath. "What's holding us back?"

Poe thinks he knows what Finn means, though he can't be sure. Because they've never talked about it, at all. He pulls his hand back and sighs, running it through his messy hair as answers as truthfully as he can. "Nothing. Everything. I'm scared too, you know."

"Of the same thing I'm scared of?" Finn asks.

"Sometimes," says Poe. "But there are risks I can't take. I'm scared of losing you in a different way."

"You won't," Finn tells him, sounding more confident, as if Poe's confession has given him reason to believe. Believe what? "We can't be scared of this forever, can we?"

"Yeah, well, right now I'm terrified," Poe tells him, more honest than ever. "I know what I want, but I also know what I have. I don't want to lose that, if you want something different." They are doing a remarkable job of talking around what they actually want to say.

"Maybe I want the same thing you want," says Finn. "Maybe I'm too scared to admit it."

Poe cocks his head, tries for a smile, but it's so hard, because he's so close to breaking down. "So, it's up to me to mess this up and ruin everything? Believe it or not, I'm not that reckless."

"And I'm not that brave," Finn murmurs.

"Then I can only promise I will always, _always_ , be here for you," Poe says, swallowing thickly. "With you." His heart is breaking a little, because it feels as if something that never happened is already ending. He wonders why he's not brave enough either. Why he can't be the one to step forward, to close the distance between them, to press his lips against Finn's in the question he's wanted to ask for so long. Why he can't admit he loves this man before him more than anything.

He should. He will. He can. He can be reckless and brave, and maybe, just maybe, he won't lose everything. Maybe this risk is worth it. Maybe Finn does feel the same and—

Warm lips press tentatively against his, and Poe's eyes slip closed automatically as he smiles against them, his heart bursting with sudden happiness. Only Finn quickly pulls away, not too far, but enough to let Poe know the next move is his. Poe resists the urge to touch his lips and rests his hand on Finn's hip instead.

"Not brave enough?" he murmurs, stepping closer. "More like the bravest man I know."

"Or the—" Finn starts, but Poe cuts him off with a second, deeper kiss, answering the unspoken question. Yes, he wants this. He can be brave, too. It is a longer kiss, exploring one another with none of the anger from earlier. Instead it feels tentative, growing quickly into almost desperate, which is when Poe steps back this time, breathing heavily.

"I'm not going anywhere," he tells Finn. "I promise."

"You can't promise that," Finn tells him, his voice both matter-of-fact and sadly accepting of such a simple and devastating statement.

"I can promise that I will do everything I can to always come back," Poe tells him. "To you, for you."

Finn studies him, his expressive face still filled with fear and sadness, and it makes Poe feel terrible, that he can't bring love and joy and some measure of peace to that face. He brings his good hand to Finn's face, caresses his jaw and kisses him once more. "Finn, I love you and would do anything for you."

Finn's eyes go so wide that Poe can't help but laugh. "Reckless enough for you now?" he asks, his voice teasing though he feels more vulnerable than ever.

Finn leans forward and kisses him, with so much fierce passion that Poe literally gasps into it, and groans as Finn's hands run along his jaw and through his hair and down his shoulders and behind his back. Poe pulls Finn flush against him and this time Finn groans, pressing harder, needing more contact. They stumble as he turns them both back toward the medical bunk, until Poe hits it and falls backward, Finn following and landing on top of him.

It is extremely ungraceful, and he can't help but suck in a gasp of pain as he lands on his injured arm. Finn immediately pulls away, putting too much space between them and looking at him with so much worry Poe forgets about the throbbing and pulls him down for another long kiss.

"This may not be the best place for this," he murmurs. "Crew quarters might be better."

"As long as you don't fall asleep on me," Finn replies as he presses kiss along Poe's jaw, sending shivers through his entire body.

"That I can definitely promise." Poe kisses him once more, then starts to sit up. Finn helps him stand, takes his hand, but before they go any further, he stops. He turns to Poe, his eyes serious, but his smile so bright that Poe feels his heart soar again.

"Poe, you must know by now, that I—"

Poe kisses him, soft and simple. "I know." He smiles. "Or I know now."

"Still scared?" Finn asks.

Poe thinks about it as they walk. "Not as much," he says. "You?"

"Not as much."

Poe squeezes his hand. "We'll figure it out," he says. "Together."

"I know," says Finn. "Together." He grins at Poe. "But I'm still going to stop your sorry ass when you're a reckless idiot."

Poe rolls his eyes. "Then I'll try to avoid wampas from now on, although I do appreciate how it ended."

"Appreciate?" Finn protests. "You almost lost your arm, which I'm still not happy about, by the way, and—"

"—and yet," Poe interrupts, "here we are." He stops walking and inclines his head toward the crew quarters. "Do you want to yell at me some more, or can we move on?" he asks. "And finally stop holding back?"

In response, Finn kisses him, opens the door to the crew quarters, and leads him inside. And Poe knows that yes, this will probably happen again, because there are still battles to be won. They will fight and they will yell, and Finn will almost certainly try to ground him again, but now they know why. And they will figure it out, setting aside their fear of the future to live in the present, now and together.

**Author's Note:**

> These two are knocking around in my head so much, here's another look at how they finally figured out they were meant to be together—through a lot of shouting and yelling. Thank you for reading!


End file.
